The Life Worth Living List

Content warning: this post discusses suicidal ideation.

On the origin of the LWLL:

I turned 31 this past week. To note: I celebrated this awkward birthday while in the final stages of weaning off of an anti-depressant, one of several psychiatric medications I take to support this whole Life Worth Living thing. We’re feeling feelings over here!

For my birthday, I spent wonderful quality time with my partner, I saw great movies, I felt pleasurable feelings. And I reflected on how I never expected nor intended to reach this age. To celebrate this arbitrary number. Each year past every day that was supposed to be my death date is a gift, but a surreal one.

I’m not who little me imagined I’d be, although I think they’d like who I’m becoming. Life doesn’t look like how I wanted it to look. I don’t look like I imagined I would either. So, some lows were had as well. I wallowed in the “why am I still trying to be heres” and the “what is the points.” Ultimately, I reoriented myself to my reasons to stay, listened to several entire Fall Out Boy albums (music from my Sad College Days), and washed the tear tracks off my face. Then tomorrow came and I was still here.

1. The utter surprise and delight at someone you think of often but are out of touch with reaching out to reconnect.

2. People who put gnome statues in their gardens. I know very little about this but I know that it brings me joy at the whimsy of it all.

3. Trinkets that come into your life unintentionally. A pretty button you found on the sidewalk or a tiny plastic frog gifted to you by a trans kid whose mom is purchasing movie tickets from you (this frog has lived in my car for 8 years and now I’m trans too).

4. Watching other people love each other. Witnessing love between others is such a privilege, in my opinion.

5. Lighting a candle for a loved one, an ancestor, a dear friend who is so far.

6. Nesting when you move into a new space and get to customize it to your own comfort and fill it with all your special things.

7. The Voyager space probes are still out there. They are still moving away from Earth and maybe, just maybe, towards someone else who will hear us, read about us, remember us.